Low Cost Activism

by Sandy L on October 24, 2011

Last week I wrote an article on Feminism that spurred quite a lot of comments. If you like you could go back to the original article and read it, but the jist of the message was this.  I stand up for myself, I lead by example, but I do not call out sexism for what it is when I see it happening.   I consider myself a non-verbal feminist and use other means to get my message across.

Kellen and Donna Freedman had some of the best comments refuting my stance saying that the women who were trailblazers and verbal paved the way for our opportunities today and if we don’t continue to be vigilant about maintaining our rights, they’ll be taken away inch by inch.  Often these same women who were asking for basic rights like voting were vilified as well.  That being a minority of any kind means you have the responsibility and duty to continue to pave the way for future generations and keep the various -isms that are lurking around every corner at bay. If we let them creep back into our lives and culture we have failed the future generations.  I’m paraphrasing a bit, but I think that was the general tone from a few of the commenters.

Here’s the deal though.  Perhaps I’m a coward, but standing up and calling someone a racist or a sexist is just not my style.  When you do that in a work setting, you get labeled and your colleagues get on edge around you. I’ve personally known a woman who seemed to run into sexual harassment and was sue happy at every place she went.   There is a stigma when you’re vocal about those things and it sometimes will cost you career opportunities and damage relationships.   In addition to that, I live in one of the most liberal parts of the most liberal states in the US (MA).  Here, when you accuse someone of being some kind of -ist, they think you’re nuts. “How could you assume someone as liberal and enlightened as them could be so backwards in their thinking? Obviously you’re the one with the problem.”  Now, some of the trailblazers who’ve been there and done that say that the abuse and vilification is just part of the territory.  If that’s just something you can’t stomach, I think there are many other ways you can be an activist without the high cost of being labeled as “that activist person.”

Here are some of the things I think anyone can do to help do their part:

Join an Affinity Group or Start One

Back in the 90′s, I worked for a fortune 100 company that was put on the front page of the New York times because their entire leadership staff was white men.  There was a picture of all of them right there on the cover.  It caused loads of bad press.  After that, this company took steps to change it’s image and started affinity groups at all the divisions. I was the hub leader for several years at my headquarters location.   I’ll tell you from personal experience that affinity groups are a safe and acceptable forum for promoting diversity within organizations and they are effective.

Companies like affinity groups because it’s a very visible and measurable way to show the outside world they promote diversity in their organizations. They can say “Hey look, I’m promoting diversity…see, I have this affinity group and it has x members.”   In my opinion, leadership also likes it because the ideas and changes you implement are led by a relatively small group of people.  It’s a proactive way to drive change in a very controlled manner.  Companies don’t like to react to people running around guns a blazing accusing the corporation of discrimination and demanding change.  And to top it off, talking about a problem is only a teeny tiny part of driving change.   (On a side note, I think that if there are specific things going on in your work life that are bothering you, you should feel safe to go to your manager, HR or ombudsman.  My use of affinity groups was more of a tool for broad sweeping change.)

I could write for hours about this, but having something like a glass ceiling doesn’t get broken by just promoting someone into that position.  It has to start at the very beginning with recruiting more diverse talent at the entry level and retaining that talent so that when you get to that executive level there is actually a pool of diverse applicants to choose from.  It takes years to implement.

Mentoring

Pairing up a diverse candidate with a executive band mentor has been very successful as well. In my experience if both parties have to be engaged and the chemistry between the two people has to be right.  I’ve had good mentors and bad mentors.  Also, you’re never too young to mentor someone yourself. It can be through an organization like big brother big sister, or it can be more informal.

I’ve had a variety of informal mentors as well. Usually they came in the form of former managers.  They knew me well enough to give me good advice, but I felt more comfortable confiding in them once I no longer worked directly for them.  Most of the time, people like to be asked for advice. It makes them feel like their opinion is important and they are respected, so don’t be afraid that they are too busy.  Most people want to think of themselves as good managers and there’s no better proof than a former employee coming to you and asking advice.

Lastly, if someone new starts at your company, make sure you reach out to them and let them know you’re there if they want to ask you dumb questions that they are too embarrassed to ask of their manager. (Every new employee always has a few and it’s good for them to know they have a safe place to go and ask.)  I’ve been told that’s made a big difference in people getting settled at a new place.

Leading By Example

This is an obvious one.  Don’t just talk about how you can do anything, actually do it.   This starts in the home.  Don’t label things as boy jobs and girl jobs.  Everyone in the household should be able to do all tasks. My boys help me cook and clean, but so does my husband.   No task is off limits.  I hope the next generation of kids grows up a bit more gender neutral than the last.

Guys can be nurses, women can be engineers or construction workers.  For example, I love how home depot caters to women now. I think they “get” that women make a lot of the household financial decisions and they’ve made it a female friendly place for women to shop. At first I laughed at their “tiling for women” classes because I didn’t think the technique changes by gender, but I can totally see the approach to teaching that class be different for females who may not be scared to admit they don’t know how to hold a trowel.  Plus, what woman can tell me that they don’t enjoy a good dose of HGTV once in a while.  It’s pretty cool to know that we can redesign something ourselves without the need to hire someone or beg for our partners to work on their honey-do list.

Stand up For Yourself

I’d be a liar if I told you I’ve been lucky enough to not run into some sort of sexism in my job over the years.   I’ve always worked at global companies, so I’ve been fortunate to work with a very diverse group of people from all around the world.   Sometimes, there are cultural differences in a man’s perception of a woman’s role that they take with them to the states.   I’ve actually had to deal with this a couple of times.  You don’t actually have to tell the person they are being sexist to confront them on their silly behavior.  If someone does not agree with a decision you have made based solely on your gender, then ask them to explain why the decision was the wrong one and debate what would be better.   If someone makes a career choice based on some assumptions about your family life that is not true, then make sure you let them know otherwise.   If you are passed over for a promotion that you thought you were more qualified for, make sure you make an appointment with the hiring manager and ask for specific feedback on what you could work on that would make you a more suitable candidate the next time that job comes around.   Obviously the hiring manager or HR can’t say to go get a sex change operation, so if they give you constructive feedback and you act on it, then you’ll be in a better position to get that job the next time around.   Lastly, if you don’t think you can get ahead at your current organization but have the ability to take another job elsewhere, then there’s no stronger message than quitting.  It’s costly to hire and retrain people.  If retention becomes an issue because of a companies workplace environment, then eventually they will have to do something about it, otherwise it’s money out of their pocket.

Believe in Yourself

I probably should have put this one at the very top.   Harvard Business Review recently posted 4 ways women unintentionally stunt their careers.  It’s a good article and you should read it, but in a nutshell, it’s all about self confidence.  If you’re insecure by nature, then fake it.   I’m about the most self conscious person in the world, but other female colleagues often say that I’m very confident when I give talks to groups.  Oh my, it didn’t always used to be like that.  One of my first public speaking gigs in college was an absolute train wreck. I’ve also stopped using phrases like “I may be able to do that” or “I don’t know if it’s possible” to terms like “Yes, you absolutely can do that provided that x, y, and z aren’t roadblocks.  I’ll start right away and let you know the status.”     Or if someone gives you an impossible task for the time you have allotted…don’t say it’s impossible, say it’s possible but you’ll need an extra body to help you with it, or some stuff taken off your plate.  Don’t admit defeat before a task has even started.

Getting in over your head is a way to grow yourself as a person and grow your career.   It can be a means to make big jumps in your career and pay if your company is willing to bet on your success and put you in a stretch role.  Also, it’s okay to feel like an idiot the first 3 months of a new job.  Dive in head first and after 3 months take a look back and appreciate all the new stuff you’ve learned.  After personally doing this a 1/2 dozen times, I got to the point where I believed that nothing is rocket science and no job is too difficult for me to do.  If you put the time in to learn, you’re capable of anything.   Heck, one of my engineer colleagues even told me you can learn to be creative and you don’t have to be born with it.  It’s true, you can.

Although there are people with certain gifts that make them great athletes, inventors or business people, don’t let it discourage you that you’re not the “best” at something right off the bat.  You don’t need to be the best to be successful. You just need to be able to achieve your goals.   Sure we all have doubts in ourselves, but if you just tell your brain to shut up and focus on the tasks it’ll take to move your goal forward, you’ll live with fewer regrets.

Big Thanks

So in closing, I’d like to thank all the lady baby boomers out there that have broken down the barriers in the workplace so that these types of actions are possible for me as a woman in a male dominated industry.  Although I believe that a more subtle approach can still achieve similar results without damaging your own career prospects, it wouldn’t have been possible had it not been for the great ladies who came before me.

One lady comes to mind on my team and I love listening to her stories.  She used to tell me about the crazy outfits she used to have to wear to production trials at customers.  You know, those suits with the big bows and stiletto heels. She said at one point, high heels and skirts were part of the dress code, even on the shop floor..can you imagine? Others have told me that the person who helped them most along the way (back in the 80s) was often a male executive who had daughters about their age and knew what their own kids were capable of and gave them a chance. So, I’d also like to thank all you men out there who want a better place for your daughters to grow up in as well.

I’d love to hear people’s thoughts.  Did I miss any big actions that are really activism under a different name?

 

 

 

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Cesar Alcantar October 24, 2011 at 11:40 AM

Sandy,

Very good article with excellent points. I do teach my daughters and son what you write about. I am happy to say that they are very outspoken in school and in their everyday life. I teach them to question status quo and to ask the questions that most are afraid to ask. I enjoy your articles and I see eye to eye in what your stand for. That is why we get along very well. My goal is to have well rounded kids that are not in any group type but have friends in all types of groups. It works very well in later life.

Greetings from Texas,
Cesar

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 5:54 AM

Well Cesar, it’s great that they have a great role models in you and your wife. Thanks for the comment.

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Jackie October 24, 2011 at 8:21 PM

I hadn’t heard of affinity groups before, so will have to check that idea out, but I like your other suggestions. I think diverse hiring practices across all levels is especially important. I really love that about where I work now — and it’s very unusual for the type of company that I work for, which is in a traditionally male-dominated field.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 5:56 AM

Jackie – it’s kind of like a club at work. I guess a more common club is for planning social events (like Christmas parties) or volunteerism. All work clubs usually have a job to accomplish. It’s no different with an affinity group.

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shanendoah@Baking the Budget October 24, 2011 at 10:38 PM

I think the one other major thing you didn’t mention is something you’re doing, anyway- keep the conversation going. So many people, especially today’s young women, who have never gone through the things that previous generations did think that it’s over now, that sexism is gone from the world (or at least from “their” world).
I wish it were so. We have to keep talking about it, even if we’re not calling people an -ism. We can’t let recognition of the problems, small though they may seem compared to where we started, fall away.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 5:57 AM

Very good point – even if you don’t call something out as racism, but question someone’s decision on something, it can lead to the person reflecting on their actions.

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101 Centavos October 24, 2011 at 10:53 PM

Even though the oil and gas space has the reputation of being a good ole boy industry, it has changed dramatically, even more so in recent years. My own workplace is a fairly level place, where discrimination, retaliation or abuse of any kind are simply not tolerated.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 5:59 AM

101 – that’s comforting. I met a Good Ol Boy supplier once that described me as “The Breast and the Brightest.” It was a total Freudian slip. His younger colleague and I were laughing about it later. It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with someone like that.

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Kris @ Everyday Tips October 25, 2011 at 8:48 AM

Some really great points that can be used in all aspects of life. Especially reaching out to those that are new, that is important going all the way back to the school yard! I also like the part about believing in yourself. After all, if you don’t believe in yourself (and you know what you know), how can you expect others to believe in you? There is a time for modesty, but putting yourself down or seeing ‘unconfident’ can send the totally wrong message.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 6:02 AM

Kris – Yes, the believing in yourself bit is one thing that I think men are consistently better at. Us girls have a long ways to go on that one. I see it all the time and I make sure to give my female peeps a little talk afterwards whenever I see it and remind them to not belittle themselves or their skills. Heck I still do it from time to time too.

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The Biz of Life October 25, 2011 at 9:23 AM

Who says that “liberal” and “enlightened” go together? Seems like just the opposite is the case most of the time…… Diversity is a scam as well, just another way to group, categorize, discriminate, and feel politically correct about what’s been done. Competence, achievement and can-doism will win out in the long run. If your company doesn’t recognize that, time to move or go start your own business.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 6:12 AM

Biz – Both sides of party lines are welcome here on my blog. In your statement you’re implying that diversity and competence are mutually exclusive. They are not. It’s also illegal to discriminate based on race or gender in either direction. All candidates must be qualified first before even being able to have a screening interview for a job. However that doesn’t mean you can’t start recruiting from other universities that have higher populations of diverse candidates as an example.

Plus, diversity helps too. It’s a lot easier to penetrate the South American and Mexico market if you have a Latino Spanish Speaking person in place to do the job. In a global company, diversity gives you an edge because you understand better how to do business in other parts of the world.

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Molly October 25, 2011 at 5:53 PM

Another great article- I’m glad you took the time to write more on it.
My Mom talks about your point regarding the baby boomers working so hard and my generation allowing a ‘slip’ back. I see it in my daughters where they have a sense of entitlement because they have not experienced overt sexism in their lifetime yet.
I want to add that in the past women have been expected to act like a man when they move up in the ranks. I believe that each gender brings a certain strength to a role because of there experience as that gender. It should be celebrated rather than concealed. I spent years trying to fit in with the ‘boys’ in my job. I finally dropped- when I look back I can see that it was a pivotal point where my self-esteem flourished and I became an effective leader.

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 6:15 AM

Molly – we had a leadership event a few weeks ago and we were laughing at just that…the women looking and acting like a man thing and being glad we don’t have to wear big goofy bowties in lieu of a man’s tie anymore.
I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy, so I often can relate better to men anyway, but that’s just me. After I turned into a mom, I seem to yearn for the female connection more than I used to.

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growingmygirls October 25, 2011 at 11:06 PM

This is very inspiring, Sandy, thank you. I appreciate your approach to this — I’m not particularly good at direct confrontation and yet I believe in adopting a lot of the approaches you have mentioned. I work for myself right now, but a lot of this still applies, especially the part about believing in yourself. How hard that can be!

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 6:19 AM

Growing my girls – I know..what is it about women and confidence issues? Soft skills have never been my thing but I’ve been working on it for many years and have gotten way better at it. I realized that if something bothers you, you actually don’t have to be confrontational about it. You can be like “hey, I was wondering if you could help me out. I’m trying to figure out x and can you explain what your thought process was behind that?” vs “why on earth did you make that stupid decision that makes no sense to me?”

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shanendoah@baking the budget October 28, 2011 at 3:02 PM

I just wanted to link to this post from Slate about the importance of mentoring in business, but that also points at some of the ways women are still treated different from men- women have to prove their worth vs men being rewarded for potential
http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/10/28/did_ginny_rometty_become_ceo_of_ibm_because_she_was_loyal_.html

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Sandy L October 29, 2011 at 6:21 AM

Thanks. I definitely agree with the mentor thing. I can point to a mentor for just about every great leader that I came across. I don’t agree with the staying at one company thing. I see female leaders moving around all the time.

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Jacq October 29, 2011 at 1:11 PM

I found a HUGE difference in the way women were viewed in the workplace when I went from “up north” down to Texas. It was eye-opening because it was like being transported back in time by about 50 years. I’m sure this Yankee was a bit annoying to some.

I don’t experience any more overt sexism – but am probably guilty of it because I tended to hire and promote more women. They’re just generally more conscientious (in my experience) – and you need to be in my field. I hate to feel that I have that stereotype though.

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