Today was a rather odd and sad day for me. At about 9:30 in the morning, my little cul de sac was overrun with police cruisers, fire trucks and ambulances. We had a relatively new neighbor move into our little pine covered street and I just found out she died sometime in the last few days. She was just a little older than me and lived alone. She was such a sweet lady and I’m so sorry I didn’t have enough time to get to know her better. A part of me feels guilty that I didn’t reach out to her more often. She had only lived in the neighborhood for about 6 months and when the weather became nicer, I offered to share some perennials for the garden that her mom was digging for her. She graciously accepted and was really incredibly touched by such a simple gesture. She had a little lounge chair and I often saw her outside reading. She would always give me a big smile and a wave when I drove by. She was a warm and friendly addition to the neighborhood.
She had some kind of health problem that her mom alluded to when she said that her daughter wasn’t capable of exerting herself. I also noticed the lifeline alert necklace around her neck. Although I communicated my open door policy to her, I felt it was a little too soon to offer help specific to whatever health condition she had. Now I regret not trying to reach out to her more and a little sooner. The conditions of her death are still unknown, but a police cruiser is parked at her house and they are interviewing the neighborhood about suspicious activities. I wish I could have done something to help. Our ever so observant elderly neighbor came over and knew a whole lot more than I did. She told me that her mother lost her other daughter in a car accident when she was 9. Imagine losing 2 of your children in one lifetime? My heart just aches for this woman’s family.
Babci’s Sayings on Death
I had to go out with Babci today to run an errand and I told her what happened. She immediately pulls out one of her favorite sayings and tells me: “A person never can predict when they are teetering on the edge of death. Death doesn’t have favorites.” She then went onto tell me the story of why she always sat in the back seat of our mint green Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme growing up. You see, some people thought it was odd that my mom insisted on sitting in the back seat while I sat in the front seat. When someone asked her about it, she told them the grisly truth.
The car was one of the many ways my dad psychologically abused my mom. In addition to not allowing her to get her driver’s license and having control over her comings and goings, he also took it one step further. On more than one occasion he would be driving with her and tell her: “All I have to do is swerve your side of the car into that pole or tree and I can kill you just like that . The cops would think it was an accident and I’d have you out of my life for good.” I also have some scary memories of my dad driving extremely drunk with me in the car. I remember begging him and crying to turn around to go home. He was literally so drunk he was driving onto curbs and stuff. Thank God neither of us was seriously hurt during those scary years. She thinks it’s ironic that he’s been dead for almost 15 years and she’s still alive and well despite his numerous threats to snuff her out.
Babci truly believes that there is a specific time you’re meant to die and no matter how many near misses you have, you won’t die until you’re number’s up. She says that she’s already almost died 3 times, but here she is almost 80 years later, still kickin. When she was little a horse trampled her and she was unconscious for 2 days, the second time she almost got electrocuted and the 3rd time had something to do with a car or train in Poland. She knows she doesn’t have a ton of time left but she seems at peace with the fact that when it’s time to go, she’ll be ready and okay with it.
Living for Today
I guess there isn’t a lesson here except to say that time is precious and try not to take it for granted. When I asked Babci earlier this week what she would have done differently if she was my age, she just looked at me and said “Why would I waste time thinking about something that I can’t change? I only have an opinion about what I can do from this point forward given the hand that I was dealt.” For someone who’s constantly dispensing advice, I was a little surprised that she wasn’t more retrospective about her own life, but I guess her response is exactly what I should have expected. She’s had so many horrible things happen to her that dwelling on the past would be the last thing that could have made her into the jolly old lady she is today. It’s so much better to continue to have hope that there is a better tomorrow around the corner. Regretting and dwelling on the past does not actually help your life tomorrow.
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