So, I’m at the hair dresser on Friday night getting my hair done and I now have an official fashion emergency as a result. Friday is the day that all the little old ladies go in to get their hair done. One of them is my elderly neighbor that is in her 80’s. She is very active for her age. She mainly keeps fit by calling the cops on people’s dogs and complaining about neighbors she doesn’t like. Before her husband went into a nursing home, those two would have the worst screaming matches. I’d hear “Go to Hell” from the husband and then she’d yell back “NO I WON”T!” She gives out pretzels on Halloween and a couple of times she showed up at my door dressed up with her grandkids. One time she was in a witch costume and the other in a Clown outfit complete with over sized polka dotted pants, an orange afro wig and face makeup. It was disturbing yet completely appropriate.
Nevertheless, she’s always been nice to me because I’ll periodically snow blow her driveway or bring her flowers from my garden. My husband always picks up any big branches that fall in her yard and gets rid of them for her. Our rule is that you take care of your elderly neighbors no matter what and it’s paid off. So far, she hasn’t stolen any kick balls that fall in her yard and doesn’t ever care if my kids wander onto her property.
Anyway, so here I am sitting opposite her getting my hair rinsed while she’s gossiping with another old lady under the hair dryer. She gives me a big smile and says hello. She apparently was talking about shoes and she points to my Noats and says “I love your shoes. Those are the kind I should get.” “Thanks” was all I could I could muster.
Now my brain is racing. How did I let things get this bad? You know you have a problem when an octogenarian starts complementing you on your fashion sense. Especially when said octogenarian is wearing orthopedic foot ware and her pants sit half way up her chest like Pee Wee Herman. I walk back over to the chair and quickly tell my hairdresser my dilemma and proclaim that a shopping spree in in order right away.
A couple of days go by and now I’m back to my senses a bit. If I actually liked shopping, it would have been all over, but my desire to insulate my mom’s upstairs trumped any shopping spree that my mind was concocting. The Naots by the way are super comfy and no old lady’s comments will make me ditch them as one of my favorite winter shoes. The best part about them was that one of my good friends found them at a thrift store for like $9. They were just a hair small for her, so she bought them anyway and gave them to me. She knew what a find they were and just couldn’t walk away. Actually, the first thing I did is call her and blame her for my dilemma. I always tell her she’s an old lady in waiting. She spent a lot of time with her grandparents growing up so she loves cribbage, wears her grandmother’s housecoat around in the summer and has a thing for quilted jackets. She really is quite hip for her age, but once you get to know her, you’ll start to see the old lady creep out.
So what’s a girl to do? I think the impulse to buy things has passed, but I don’t want to be horribly out of style either. The best thing I could do for myself is lose that last bit of baby weight. Nothing makes a person look younger or hipper than being thin and right now I’m about a size bigger than where I want to be.
Is there anybody who’s hip that reads my blog? if so, help..I need a makeover! Please share your tips as I’m in more desperate need than I initially thought.