This was my revelation today. I have been trying to figure out what has made me so happy lately and in a nutshell, it’s because I’m making a little extra time to plan my life a little better.
Just over a year ago, I took a new sales job covering NY. Since I live in MA, this means that anytime I travel to customers, I pretty much have to stay overnight somewhere. It’s often 1-2 times/week. In the beginning, it was nuts. I was always drained and tired. My husband also travels and it often felt like we were two ships passing in the night only to update the other of what needs doing in the house before we parted ways again. It was not ideal, but I enjoyed this job much more than the last one, so we tried as best as we could to make it work. Plus, I was and am very grateful that we are both employed.
However, I wonder, since my schedule hasn’t changed, why has my attitude gotten loads better? I feel MUCH more relaxed. The answer came to me today while I was having dinner. I had the most amazing scallop tostada at a place called Rick’s on Main. It was one of those meals where I know the next time I’m back in town, I will go there and get the exact same meal. I also noticed that my bartender knew many of his regular customers by name and was just a great guy. It was a really pleasant experience all around and gave me a flavor of what the best of Buffalo has to offer. Life is good.
Just over a week ago, I was in this same area but my day was quite different. The last time I was in town, I rolled in about 9:30 pm, I couldn’t find a vacant hotel near my customer, and started progressively lowering my standards until I eventually ended up finding an opening at a microtel for $49/night. The hotel supposedly had high speed Internet which was a requirement as I had work due to my boss that evening. After I checked in, I learned it wasn’t working. It was too late to go to starbucks, and my room was just like something out of a bad movie. It was tiny, dingy and when I turned on the one fluorescent strip light above the bed, it never quite came on. It just buzzed and flickered but never quite got to a point where I had a continuous stream of light. I checked for bedbugs, shut off the light and tried to go to sleep as fast as possible so that morning would come and I could get the hell out of there.
Despite a decent travel budget, most of the time my experiences were more like the latter than the former. I end up stopping at a freeway rest stop for a soggy yet stale sandwhich and end up at a no name hotel way too late at night. That is not ideal for a happy existence.
Maximizing Me Time
Today I realized that the reason I have become much more content and happy with my life is because I’m no longer driving til midnight and getting stuck in middle of the night construction traffic. I’m spending a few minutes looking at restaurant reviews so I eat at someplace decent vs some greasy spoon that makes me feel sick afterwards. I take a little time in the morning to work out, even if it’s just 20 minutes. I’ve also rediscovered reading. I’m buying books again. If I feel like it’s too much, I now have enough projects cooking that I can spend a week working from home and not feel guilty that I’m neglecting my job because I can do more over the phone. Life is back in balance again.
Now when I travel, it’s me time. It’s time to take a break from the kids and focus on things that are good for my body and soul. I toss aside the Catholic guilt of being away from my family and feel confident that my children are in the capable hands of my husband and that absence makes the heart grow fonder. He never makes me feel guilty about leaving. It was 100% self imposed. Hell, I even got a pedicure a few weeks ago because my feet looked more like hoofs than something that were sandal worthy. Up until now, I’ve gotten 3 in my life (my wedding, and when I was pregnant with each of my kids and couldn’t reach my feet). I have hours of alone time when I travel and rather than being lonely and feeling sorry for myself, I embrace it. Who knew I missed reading so much, but I really did.
What I’ve learned:
- Everyone needs a little me time and you shouldn’t feel guilty by having it. I’m a very social person, so I was in denial about this fact until quite recently.
- Our crazy schedules are often self imposed. I have a lot more control over my schedule than I let myself realize. I think we all do. Even if you have an insane high stress job, you still can look for another one. There are always options.
- Insane schedules are not sustainable– Many people have the capacity to move mountains when the going gets tough. However, you can’t do that for your entire life. You’ll either get divorced, drop dead of a heart attack or burn out. Working smarter is key. Doing fewer high impact projects yields better results than running around like a headless chicken. One of my former CEO’s used to run for an hour every day at 11am. If a CEO of a fortune 100 company can make some me time for himself, what’s your excuse?
- Try to look at the positives of your situation and exploit them. If you travel, take a little time to take in the local sights and sounds. If you don’t, take advantage of the great feeling of community that planting roots can bring. If your kids have left the nest, think about your new found freedom. It’s so easy to dwell on what you don’t have vs looking at the positives instead.
- Take a few extra minutes to plan. I used to be one of those people who had every weekend for the entire summer booked months in advance. That was too restrictive. Flying by the seat of your pants isn’t good either. Take a look at your life and see if you could eliminate some of your stress by either adding some wiggle room or organizing yourself a little better. For me, I’m always flip flopping between the two extremes. When travelling, sponteneaty is good, but too much of it will get you stuck in a flea bag motel. Plan some of the big things, but leave some room to explore or change plans as you see fit.
For me, being organized brings a sense of calm to life, so I really do like knowing having everything in it’s place. When I hear a story about someone stressing about late fees on bills, misplacing something or waiting too long to take care of personal matters and now it’s a big crisis, I think to myself: All this chaos in your life is self imposed. You think Murphy is following you around and wreaking havoc in your life but he’s really not. You are Murphy. The sooner you realize that what needs to change is you, the better. Nothing feels more depressing than thinking the world is scheming against you. At least when you realize you are Murphy, it’s something you can control and change for the better.
I know some of you are wondering what would Babci say. In this case, I think I’m the one who may have taught her a lesson. Babci’s had a lot of crappy things happen to her in her life and she has dwelled on a lot of them. When she brings up something horrible that happened 30-60 years ago, I just tell her “why are you talking about something that happened 50 years ago? Who cares. You’re life’s been great for decades. Let it go. ” There is no need to let something continue to upset you that’s long in your past. Yes, you had a crappy husband, but he’s been dead for 24 years. It’s ancient history. I’d like to think I’ve had a bit of a positive effect on her in that regard because she is much jollier now than she’s ever been. With regards to planning, babci is very much a fly by the seat of your pants type of gal.
What do you lean towards, over-planning or under-planning? Could you use a little adjustment?
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